Twas The Night Before The Movie
by FREAKSHOW1
Summary: In honor of the holidays, I, Phoenix, have put together a festive little filk, set in the movie. Oddly enough, it's a summery of sorts.


Twas the night before the movie, and all through the Hive,

The Red Queen was killing, she left none alive.

The Lickers were snoozing, hooked up to their tubes,  
While people were smashed in the elvator tubes.

Blue, Green, and Brown were drowned in their lab,  
While halon ensured Lisa'd be put on a slab.

Here's a detail that's not for the soft,  
Ms. Black tried to crawl out, and her head was chopped off.

But when the commandos busted in with a bang and a spatter,  
Alice sprang from her tub, to see what was the matter.

After a series of gratuitous shots,  
It was in that red dress Alice looked really hot.

One was rather rough, said "I want your report"  
Alice had amneisa, and couldn't retort.

They went through a mirror, and boarded the train,  
Spence appeared, and JD was a pain.

Alice was in shock, now here's a surprising something:  
She and Spence were married; wore an identical ring.

JD and Rain kept watch over Matt,

While Alice and crew went to squash the Queen, flat.

But The Queen didn't let them, no, that's a laugh.  
Her lasers cut all the commandos in half.

Alice and Kaplan went to finish the mission,

But the Queen implored them, though they didn't listen.

Though the computer gave them no reason to fear,  
She was rather creepy, saying "You'll all die down here"

Rain, all the while, was cleaning her nails,  
When she heard from the shadows, a person's wails.

The lady bit her, and they "killed" her with a pow,  
After a moment of wonder "The bitch isn't standing now."

After a big scary fight with the zombies,  
JD got eaten, and Rain got all sobby.

Alice and Matt went to find Lisa,  
But Alice made her rest in peace...a.

The gang reunited to putter and pout,  
Rain was level with Kaplan, saying "You let them out."

A frustration ensued, in a few moments they'd be gone,  
So a desperate Alice turned the Queen back on.

The little girl's voice, so haughty and high,  
Was gleeful as she told them they're screwed, and here's why:

"The virus was released, and that's why I killed,  
Or soon with zombies, the whole world would be filled.

You won't make out of here, not if you get bitten,  
I don't care if you're begging, bribing, or smitten.

I help you get out, but if you are scratched,  
I'll have you keep you, or the disaster would be unmatched."

So they took to the tunnels, and JD was there to kill,  
Kaplan was trapped, but they'd have to work for their meal.

Alice had a memory, of when the Hive was pure,  
Then gleefully announced "We're alright, there's a cure!"

They went to the lab, where this twisted tale began,  
Spence regained his memory, and betrayed them, then ran.

The fact that Spence would get away made Matt wanna hurl.  
But the Queen popped in to help, for she'd been a bad, bad girl.

Spence almost escaped, but here's a kicker:  
He was brutally mauled by a nasty-tempered Licker.

The gang tried escape, but was met with strife.  
The Queen said she'd help, in exchange for Rain's life.

As the Queen frantically called for Rain to die,  
Lights Out! Kaplan appeared, said "She had to fry."

The Licker almost killed them, bloody and gory.  
But they escaped with a cry of "long story!"

Alice sent Spence to his eternal reward,  
The train started up, and they went upward.

Rain almost died, but snatched back her gun.  
"I could kiss you you bitch." Alice said in good fun.

But the Licker appeared, and Kaplan went bye.  
Alice thought they were all going to die.

She burned up the Likcer, but the doors were open.  
Matt was at a loss, but Rain had finally broken.

He shot her once in the head, and that did the trick.  
She slammed against the button, and cut off the Lick.

Alice was sad, just short of the exit.  
But Matt's mutation started to hex it.

The suits busted in, and Matt was wheeled away.  
Alice was tranqued, and would fight another day

----------------------------------------------------------

Twas the night before the Seuqal, and all through Raccoon,

The zombies were stirring, and made quite a boon.

Alice was hooked on an IV with care,  
In hopes that as a weapon, she'd soon be prepared

She woke, and we had a gratuitous shot,

But a peaceful place, Raccoon was not.

Alice had to get out, she needed to run.  
And as we pulled away, she cocked the shotgun.

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**So, yes, no? And this adds the holiday magic: It's snowing where I am! Deep south, and WE get snow. I can't wait till Adam gets back from rehab. He'll be so mad he missed!--Phoenix**


End file.
